MTheads

Ahh, Lessons Learned From Large Social Events

In an attempt to get a personality that might actually result in people remembering me for more than my ability to stare into their eyes without once blinking, I've resorted to reading books on how to make people like me.  However, I'm a bit skeptical about the advice given in such books. 

First, one is supposed to eliminate all those characteristics from one's personality that could possibly, somewhere, somehow, annoy another human being.  Personalities are a hindrance in the social milieu.  Instead, paste on a smile that doesn't look pasted on, mumble pleasantries, and get people to talk about themselves.  That is really rule number one.  Trick people into talking about themselves because supposedly they will find the fact that you find them so fascinating, fascinating in turn.  Or, more simply, don't talk about yourself.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who has read these books or gotten this advice.  In any large group, all the right sort of people are frenetically attempting to maneuver other people into talking about themselves.  All smiles, two nicely dressed women will lock eyes and attempt to "break" the other person.

Well-brought-up woman number 1: "Tell me more about your children.  I'd love to hear."

Educated woman number 2:  "I already asked you to tell me more about your favorite sport and/or hobby.  And God knows I'm not going to make the mistake of talking about myself.  You are."

Lesson learned: Make public the fact that you will willingly talk about yourself.  You are a rare jewel.  Conscientious people need someone like you in order to fulfill their perceived social agenda. 

Entertaining, Badly

_{How to Entertain Badly}

Yes, you can spend money to buy really nice things that reflect your entertaining style.  Or, you can use whatever happens to be lying around the house or perched precariously outside in your neighbor’s trash area.  My way (the latter) is much cheaper.  And, quite frankly, I can’t pull off anything else. 

Excellent tip number 1) Recycle those bottles and jars!  Think GREEN FIRST

I like to use old bottles to store drinks like Cheap White Wine, Cheap Red Wine or Tap Water.  Who is going to be any the wiser?  As if people can really tell the difference between something French and something on sale.  And bottles make excellent vases.  Your guests will think, “What a clever use of an old soy sauce bottle!” 

Jars make unique vessels for amuse bouche.  And a motley mix of jars and bottles will clue your guests into the fact that you are a bohemian and rules don’t apply to you.  Good to get that point across right away, as dinner is only going downhill in class from the “jam jar” martinis.

You might consider leaving a couple of Mother Earth News magazines lying around for your guests to spot.  Guilt over their own prodigal use of our scarce resources will lead them to assume you are truly committed to making our Earth a better place.  Hence, your recycled crap will take on a sheen of enviable authenticity. 

Excellent tip number 2) Chicken is today’s little black dress  

Chicken:  Pretty much it’s chicken all the time at our house.  If a recipe calls for poached salmon, replace it with poached chicken breast.  Seared tuna?  Seared chicken breast.  Lamb chops?  Broiled chicken breast.  You are not imagining a trend. 

I’ve discovered that I cannot mess up chicken breasts.  And they are always available!  Cover those breasts with pistachios and you have a first class main course.  Your guests will relish the change from the salmon, tuna, and lobster they are usually served.  Throw in that you learned the dish from your Hungarian chicken-raising Nagymama and everyone will swear they can taste the love.

Reflections On Trip To St. Petersburg

I've been busy the last few months.   My sister came to visit.  Also, we got kittens, the kids won't stop growing taller, the smog and heat gave us all ennui, etc.   Here's a picture outside the Hermitage in St. Petersburg.  Notice the lines to get in on either side of us.  We decided to see the museum the next day and to get in line as early as possible.